Monday, December 31, 2007
Happy New Year!
Nitner and Beckers and Kaylynn Rock for calling on new years eve! Happy New Year! I'm busy at the comfort in revamping my resume and filling out an application for a licence. I'm also looking forward to seeing my family on the 11th. I'm gonna get some snow tires put on. Wrote a good lyric on my wall tonight, well not really on the wall on a piece of paper stuck to the wall, I'm really glad I did because now I can't remember what I wrote. I'll have to check it out later. If its still good when I read it next maybe i'll post it. I just texted a "happy new year" to everyone on my contact list and got 3 reply's so far. if you don't reply it means you don't love god, and I will not be seeing you in heaven. (ha, ha) Or it means I don't have your number or your phone dosen't recieve text messages. Oop theres reply number 4. anyway I'm havin' more fun than any warmsprings inpatient should have! Number 5 just came in, thanks Devon. Anyway just having to much fun to keep typing. gotta go!
Sunday, December 30, 2007
BLEAAAAAAACKHHH! MOST UNIMPRESSIVE GRASSHOPPER
I went to Karaoke last night at the bowling alley. I'd like to say I had fun, but truth be told It was kinda boring. Not that I didn't enjoy the company, It was nice to see friends. It's just not a place I can belong. I was also very dissapointed with my own song selection. I picked a song that I remembered hearing on the radio because I liked the tune. And it ended up depressing me all night. It's a song called "Harder to Breath" The lyrics are as follows:
"How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle
You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to (edit) tread the ground that I'm walking on
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I sayThere's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Does it kill Does it burn Is it painful to learn That it's me that has all the control
Does it thrill Does it sting When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I sayThere's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe is there anyone out there cuz its gettin harder and harder to breathe."
After I sang it I just felt dirty.
I was dissapointed for a few reasons. First the obvious, the lyrics are downright hatefull. Second, I sang it pretty darn well. Third,and most dissapointing, was that ,way down deep, a small part of me really felt good about it. But this was NOT a song that glorifies God in any way, shape or form. In a nutshell the song says. "Don't you dare try to talk to me, You're gonna want me back and when you do, I'll be glad to see you in pain." WHAT THE HECK! That's not love at all! What happened to patient, kind, not rude or selfish, keeps no record of wrongs ect.? Anyway the song had a grip on me all night and was really starting to bug me. But it was a good wake up call to deal with suppressed feelings. Having to deal with that was a good thing. God is good and I'm forgiven, but wow, what a weird situation and what a waste of a great melody.
(p.s. In my defence: I did not know all the lyrics to this song when I picked it and really didn't think about it before hand.)
"How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle
You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to (edit) tread the ground that I'm walking on
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I sayThere's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Does it kill Does it burn Is it painful to learn That it's me that has all the control
Does it thrill Does it sting When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold
When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I sayThere's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe is there anyone out there cuz its gettin harder and harder to breathe."
After I sang it I just felt dirty.
I was dissapointed for a few reasons. First the obvious, the lyrics are downright hatefull. Second, I sang it pretty darn well. Third,and most dissapointing, was that ,way down deep, a small part of me really felt good about it. But this was NOT a song that glorifies God in any way, shape or form. In a nutshell the song says. "Don't you dare try to talk to me, You're gonna want me back and when you do, I'll be glad to see you in pain." WHAT THE HECK! That's not love at all! What happened to patient, kind, not rude or selfish, keeps no record of wrongs ect.? Anyway the song had a grip on me all night and was really starting to bug me. But it was a good wake up call to deal with suppressed feelings. Having to deal with that was a good thing. God is good and I'm forgiven, but wow, what a weird situation and what a waste of a great melody.
(p.s. In my defence: I did not know all the lyrics to this song when I picked it and really didn't think about it before hand.)
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Countdown to test day!
I'm Getting a little nervous about the test on saturday. I'm studying, but I'm gonna kick it up a notch before then. I have to pass the Property Insurance and the State Property Insurance test and then I can register for a licence. There is somehow still an opening at AAA I hope they don't fill it by the time I get my licence. Well, back home to bed and then More studying. I think I feel that tickle in the throat coming back better drink some more Orange Juice and Airbourne.
Frosty the Juggernaut!
My really cute cousins and my awesome uncle made a 25 foot snowman this year. check it out.
http://new.khastv.com/videoplaylist.php?playid=12080
My Uncle Brian is having a presentation about the flaws of Evolution and the Accuracy of Scripture in Missoula At the Lutheran church somewhere around the beginning of January.
http://new.khastv.com/videoplaylist.php?playid=12080
My Uncle Brian is having a presentation about the flaws of Evolution and the Accuracy of Scripture in Missoula At the Lutheran church somewhere around the beginning of January.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
and also
Airbourne Rocks, and also, 10 gallons of orange juice and 10 spoons of honey. Knocks a cold right out!
Monday, December 24, 2007
Hmmmmm.
Hmmm. First of all, I had a great time at The Manor. Ingvi and His roommate, James ,tell some great stories. Bobby is very sweet, I had fun practicing my sign spelling with Mary, and It's fun to listen to Mary Lou sing along with Christmas carols. I also got to sing along with the piano played by a wonderful lady named... Opal?. There were also a couple other folks I talked with, but I'll remember names better next time.
I was also faced with an interesting situation. One of the residents, has a habit of blaspheming. The first time it happened I thought, "oh well, He was just overcome w/emotion" The second time, I felt more uneasy. After the third time in about a 5 minute span, I decided I had to say something. So I asked"So (name), what do you know about, "Christ almighty". His reply puzzled me. "Well I know one thing, He's really looked out for me, and I wouldn't be here without him." He then proceeded to tell me all the times that he knew that he had gotten through because of "god". Then in the middle of one of his stories He blasphemed again. ...and again, and again. I really didn't get it. I was trying to find the heart issue here, but It wasn't making any sense to me. He was giving God the credit for all these good things, but in the same breath taking his name so lightly. About this time a friend came over and reminded the resident that it was Christmas and He should be more respectful and not be such a downer to everyone. Maybe a direct approach is best, but I really think there is a deeper issue here that was not addressed and I'm not sure how to expose it the next time I see him.
Hmmm. anyway the biggest reason I had a good time was because It reminded me of http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2025:38-40;&version=31; granted that they are not at all in a prison, They are treated with respect, and long hard hours are put in to make them feel comfortable, but there is a lonelyness and a hopelessness that lingers about the place in the patients. The mentality Says "Well, the show's over. When do we die?" The other mentality is more bold, but just as futile. It says, "I may not be able to walk, I may be completely blind, and have a 45% average of hitting my mouth with my food, but one day I'm gonna go back to making an honest buck." My prayer is that God would effect the lives and minds of these residents and that they could have a third option. A mentality that says "I don't have to be here much longer so I'd better put every ounce of the strength that I have left into growing God's Kingdom." Come to think of It... I think I'm gonna adopt that mentality.
Pray for Courtney as she's got her hands full. It is also evident that she is right were she needs to be.
I was also faced with an interesting situation. One of the residents, has a habit of blaspheming. The first time it happened I thought, "oh well, He was just overcome w/emotion" The second time, I felt more uneasy. After the third time in about a 5 minute span, I decided I had to say something. So I asked"So (name), what do you know about, "Christ almighty". His reply puzzled me. "Well I know one thing, He's really looked out for me, and I wouldn't be here without him." He then proceeded to tell me all the times that he knew that he had gotten through because of "god". Then in the middle of one of his stories He blasphemed again. ...and again, and again. I really didn't get it. I was trying to find the heart issue here, but It wasn't making any sense to me. He was giving God the credit for all these good things, but in the same breath taking his name so lightly. About this time a friend came over and reminded the resident that it was Christmas and He should be more respectful and not be such a downer to everyone. Maybe a direct approach is best, but I really think there is a deeper issue here that was not addressed and I'm not sure how to expose it the next time I see him.
Hmmm. anyway the biggest reason I had a good time was because It reminded me of http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2025:38-40;&version=31; granted that they are not at all in a prison, They are treated with respect, and long hard hours are put in to make them feel comfortable, but there is a lonelyness and a hopelessness that lingers about the place in the patients. The mentality Says "Well, the show's over. When do we die?" The other mentality is more bold, but just as futile. It says, "I may not be able to walk, I may be completely blind, and have a 45% average of hitting my mouth with my food, but one day I'm gonna go back to making an honest buck." My prayer is that God would effect the lives and minds of these residents and that they could have a third option. A mentality that says "I don't have to be here much longer so I'd better put every ounce of the strength that I have left into growing God's Kingdom." Come to think of It... I think I'm gonna adopt that mentality.
Pray for Courtney as she's got her hands full. It is also evident that she is right were she needs to be.
I posted some songs I wrote at the following link. check 'em out. http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=296681652
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Why am I thus?
Why am I so discouraged and sad? I will put my hope in God. I will soon praise him again, it won't be long. He is my savior and my God. Right now, I am extremely discouraged. But I will remember Him. From one end of the earth to the other, there is limitless power at His fingertips. It feels like He dosen't care about me anymore. But even now his truth and love get me through each passing day and night. I continually pray because I can do nothing else. So, why am I so discouraged and sad? I will put my hope in God. I will soon Praise him again, It wont be long. He is my savior and my God.
(psalm 42:5-11 loosley paraphrased)
(psalm 42:5-11 loosley paraphrased)
Why is it that I don't believe the things that I know. I know that God is good. I know that when bad things happen, God works them out for good if we love and trust Him. I know that God is in control. So why do I still feel like I'm going outside my mind? What is God doing to me? (said the particle of space dust) God does know what he is doing. But for right now it really dosen't feel good.
Amidst the feeling of wanting to run through a wall into a giant foodprocessor, God has taught me a couple of things. Don't just praise Him for what he does. Praise him for who he is. Don't just be happy in His gifts, be happy in HIM.
...And then I break out in lyrics.
Would you accept me for what I am and for what I'm not,
Would you leave if you found the things I haven't got
Would you run before I'm warned of why you're running
You know I swear I swore I never saw it coming.
Tell me truly, Truly what it is You see.
Why You punch right through me spontaneously.
God, tell me who I'm to be, what I'm to believe.
Things I know and things I see, Why won't they just agree?
Would you reject me for what I am and for what I'm not,
and redirect me from all the things that I had thought?
Tell me truly who it is you want me to be.
These thoughts are stuck like glue the way that you were to me.
Amidst the feeling of wanting to run through a wall into a giant foodprocessor, God has taught me a couple of things. Don't just praise Him for what he does. Praise him for who he is. Don't just be happy in His gifts, be happy in HIM.
...And then I break out in lyrics.
Would you accept me for what I am and for what I'm not,
Would you leave if you found the things I haven't got
Would you run before I'm warned of why you're running
You know I swear I swore I never saw it coming.
Tell me truly, Truly what it is You see.
Why You punch right through me spontaneously.
God, tell me who I'm to be, what I'm to believe.
Things I know and things I see, Why won't they just agree?
Would you reject me for what I am and for what I'm not,
and redirect me from all the things that I had thought?
Tell me truly who it is you want me to be.
These thoughts are stuck like glue the way that you were to me.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
so I joined another space.
I've decided to join the blogger site. While it may be slightly arrogant to post ones thoughts on the net I will say this in the defense of anything stupid, uninformed, misguided ect. that I post. This blog is for me and my enjoyment. I like it. If you do not like it. I still like you and hope you do not know where i live.
I got a "christian" chain letter and it bothered me. I am a Christian, and at first I thought it was cool, until I got to the end and it said something like this. "Jesus said, 'whoever denies me before men will be denied by the father' if you love God, repost this within 24 hours, and I will see you in heaven." something about it didn't sit right with me, but I didn't know how to address it. When I read a later post I decided a little sarcasm was best.
Hey guys, I have some bad news. I received a bulletin the other day that said that if I don't repost it, I don't love God, and if I don't love God, I'm obviously not going to heaven. I totally meant to reply, but forgot to, and when I went back the next day, it was gone, so I guess I missed my chance. I've totally screwed myself over, and I'm sorry to disappoint you all who replied, and were expecting to see me in heaven, but I'm not going because I didn't repost the bulleting. Oops...sorry God.
When I read that I genuinely "lol". I think Romans 9 says it best.
"And Israel, who seemed so interested in reading and talking about what God was doing, missed it. How could they miss it? Because instead of trusting God, they took over. They were absorbed in what they themselves were doing. They were so absorbed in their "God projects" that they didn't notice God right in front of them, like a huge rock in the middle of the road. And so they stumbled into him and went sprawling."
I got a "christian" chain letter and it bothered me. I am a Christian, and at first I thought it was cool, until I got to the end and it said something like this. "Jesus said, 'whoever denies me before men will be denied by the father' if you love God, repost this within 24 hours, and I will see you in heaven." something about it didn't sit right with me, but I didn't know how to address it. When I read a later post I decided a little sarcasm was best.
Hey guys, I have some bad news. I received a bulletin the other day that said that if I don't repost it, I don't love God, and if I don't love God, I'm obviously not going to heaven. I totally meant to reply, but forgot to, and when I went back the next day, it was gone, so I guess I missed my chance. I've totally screwed myself over, and I'm sorry to disappoint you all who replied, and were expecting to see me in heaven, but I'm not going because I didn't repost the bulleting. Oops...sorry God.
When I read that I genuinely "lol". I think Romans 9 says it best.
"And Israel, who seemed so interested in reading and talking about what God was doing, missed it. How could they miss it? Because instead of trusting God, they took over. They were absorbed in what they themselves were doing. They were so absorbed in their "God projects" that they didn't notice God right in front of them, like a huge rock in the middle of the road. And so they stumbled into him and went sprawling."
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